Empyrean.lol Store

Limited Edition Hoodie

Stay warm while flexing your niche internet fame.

$49.99

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PDF of Forbidden Knowledge

Secrets they don’t want you to know. Probably illegal.

$9.99

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Sticker Pack

Put these anywhere. Or everywhere.

$14.99

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Mystery Box

You won't know what’s inside. I don’t either.

$24.99

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Signed Napkin

My autograph, on a napkin. Why? Because.

$4.99

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“Definitely Not A Scam” Membership

Exclusive access to... something. Trust me.

$19.99

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Custom Curse Video

I will personally record a video cursing your enemies.

$29.99

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AI-Generated Manifesto

Unhinged and barely coherent. Just like you.

$12.99

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Cryptic Postcard

A handwritten note, full of disturbing implications.

$7.99

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